Sunday, July 27, 2008

tactile poem

I could (should?) write a poem, a book with how I've not been touched, how disconnected and a lost and empty it's made me feel in my short lifespan. I was born premi and spent part of my life in a box, always getting sick so that I could go home and feel loved, safe. (Having a comprimised immune system and chronic underweight-ness helped, I'm sure). My own wounds have kept me from intimate relationships, my own self-sabatoge has frustrated me for seven years, before realizing I'm not ready. Your body knows what you do not, and my desires don't line up with my needs. A desire that goes deeper than sex or death, deeper than your fingers around my wrists or my lips on his neck. Skin on skin is soul on soul, desires and needs I'm still trying to reconcile...
---
tactile poem


It is only touch—it is only through touch,

that I find myself

wanting:

pianist hand between my knees,

fingers long enough to

crush love from down the road and even

those caresses I savored; massage chair

beating the back of my heartbeat to submission;

only imagining your palm a sail in the

wind of my jaw do I find my skin

opening like a door, pores faceted,

crystalline when touching the other we

drink until oceans empty, exchanging basins.

But the fingertips, your stubbled cheek,


they still thirst. My aching hand

stretches across the table

of its own accord.

Even my blood is parched,

gravitates toward your nearness

as though trying to drink storm-winds,

laden with water but achingly empty.

Electricity lying with the mountains,

with the heavy clouds,

rushing over my head and all of me shivers

at the mere thought of thunder,

having only dry winds about me

when it hits.


When moving, towards high closet shelves

fingers reaching for the last grocery bag,

wrestling a child into her coat—

each stretch is a gateway,

one side gaping open while the other

falls into itself. How to balance it?

Muscles must move like lovers,

a ribcage apart but with give and take,

though too much is always taken,

so that the skin lies above like a window

and everything peers out in

snap-straight shaking fear:

at the storm that shakes the glass

at the emptiness that whips around

this clapboard house, colder

than west wind.



(all work (c) treesa, under all psuedonyms and pen names, 2008)

Thursday, July 3, 2008

'Fess Up...Thursday?

(Brought to you by Yogamum and Literate Kitten)

Basically a post confessing the things you did (or didn't do) to reach your writing goals this week.

As it were, I haven't set any writing goals for myself (beyond homework) for more than a year now. But the main three categories are:

Getting Published: The wheels have started turning on getting that piece into Bellevue... Must print out specs, edit the piece one last time, print out copies of piece, write cover letter, write check... It sounds like a lot to do, but I'm sure it isn't. Also: Submit to Reed this year? I'm pretty sure my brain would explode if I got in, because to part of my still-high-school brain Reed is still Big College Publication That Only Awesome People Get Into, for some reason.

Writing: Scared-Angry Rants to read to a good friend in which I try to figure my own smashed-up-messed-up inner workings. Real poetry? Nil.

Reading: Finished "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruese and "John" by Cynthia Lennon. Am still picking through "Yoga for Depression", "8 Human Talents" by Gurmukh and "Healing Wise" by Susun Weed. Am checking out "Home Herbal Remedies", "Perfect Health" by Chopra and "Your Body Speaks Your Mind" by Deb Shapiro today and will begin picking them apart as well.

Having a job, commute, friends, yoga practice, and house/garden to keep up (mostly by myself) really eats into writing time! It's like, having a life, or something! Oh, and:

Blog: The blog is in limbo, again. I love reading blogs--connecting with a subject through someone who loves it, or just connecting and emphasizing with someone. I love real-people writing. But what do I have to contribute, what truth to I have to speak, how do I write in articley format and not word-vomit blaghness?

I'm sure I know, somewhere, but it hasn't reached my consciousness yet, that's for sure.